The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett
The Vignes twin sisters will always be identical. But after growing up together in a small, southern black community and running away at age sixteen, it's not just the shape of their daily lives that is different as adults, it's everything: their families, their communities, their racial identities. Many years later, one sister lives with her black daughter in the same southern town she once tried to escape. The other secretly passes for white, and her white husband knows nothing of her past. Still, even separated by so many miles and just as many lies, the fates of the twins remain intertwined. What will happen to the next generation, when their own daughters' storylines intersect? Read more…
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The Vanishing Half: a novel by
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER ONE OF BARACK OBAMA'S FAVORITE BOOKS OF THE YEAR NAMED A BEST BOOK OF 2020 BY THE NEW YORK TIMES * THE WASHINGTON POST * NPR * PEOPLE * TIME MAGAZINE * VANITY FAIR * GLAMOUR New York Times Readers Pick: 100 Best Books of the 21st Century 2021 WOMEN'S PRIZE FINALIST "Bennett's tone and style recalls James Baldwin and Jacqueline Woodson, but it's especially reminiscent of Toni Morrison's 1970 debut novel, The Bluest Eye." --Kiley Reid, Wall Street Journal "A story of absolute, universal timelessness . . . For any era, it's an accomplished, affecting novel. For this moment, it's piercing, subtly wending its way toward questions about who we are and who we want to be...." - Entertainment Weekly From The New York Times-bestselling author of The Mothers, a stunning new novel about twin sisters, inseparable as children, who ultimately choose to live in two very different worlds, one black and one white. The Vignes twin sisters will always be identical. But after growing up together in a small, southern black community and running away at age sixteen, it's not just the shape of their daily lives that is different as adults, it's everything: their families, their communities, their racial identities. Many years later, one sister lives with her black daughter in the same southern town she once tried to escape. The other secretly passes for white, and her white husband knows nothing of her past. Still, even separated by so many miles and just as many lies, the fates of the twins remain intertwined. What will happen to the next generation, when their own daughters' storylines intersect? Weaving together multiple strands and generations of this family, from the Deep South to California, from the 1950s to the 1990s, Brit Bennett produces a story that is at once a riveting, emotional family story and a brilliant exploration of the American history of passing. Looking well beyond issues of race, The Vanishing Half considers the lasting influence of the past as it shapes a person's decisions, desires, and expectations, and explores some of the multiple reasons and realms in which people sometimes feel pulled to live as something other than their origins. As with her New York Times-bestselling debut The Mothers, Brit Bennett offers an engrossing page-turner about family and relationships that is immersive and provocative, compassionate and wise.
1 - Stella and Desiree Vignes grow up identical and, as children, inseparable. Later, they are not only separated, but lost to each other, completely out of contact. What series of events and experiences leads to this division and why? Was it inevitable, after their growing up so indistinct from each other?
2 - When did you notice cracks between the twins begin to form? Do you understand why Stella made the choice she did? What did Stella have to give up, in order to live a different kind of life? Was it necessary to leave Desiree behind? Do you think Stella ultimately regrets her choices? What about Desiree?
3 - Consider the various forces that shape the twins into the people they become, and the forces that later shape their respective daughters. In the creation of an individual identity or sense of self, how much influence do you think comes from upbringing, geography, race, gender, class, education? Which of these are mutable and why? Have you ever taken on or discarded aspects of your own identity?
4 - Kennedy is born with everything handed to her, Jude with comparatively little. What impact do their relative privileges have on the people they become? How does it affect their relationships with their mothers and their understanding of home? How does it influence the dynamic between them?
5 - The town of Mallard is small in size but looms large in the personal histories of its residents. How does the history of this town and its values affect the twins and their parents; how does it affect “outsiders” like Early and later Jude? Do you understand why Desiree decides to return there as an adult? What does the depiction of Mallard say about who belongs to what communities, and how those communities are formed and enforced?
6 - Many of the characters are engaged in a kind of performance at some point in the story. Kennedy makes a profession of acting, and ultimately her fans blur the line between performance and reality when they confuse her with her soap opera character. Barry performs on stage in theatrical costumes that he then removes for his daytime life. Reese takes on a new wardrobe and role, but it isn’t a costume. One could say that Stella’s whole marriage and neighborhood life is a kind of performance. What is the author saying about the roles we perform in the world? Do you ever feel you are performing a role rather than being yourself? How does that compare to what some of these characters are doing? Consider the distinction between performance, reinvention, and transformation in respect to the different characters in the book.
7 - Desiree’s job as a fingerprint analyst in Washington DC is to use scientific methods to identify people through physical, genetic details. Why do you think the author chose this as a profession for her character? Where else do you see this theme of identity and identification in the book?
8 - Compare and contrast the love relationships in the novel –Desiree and Early, Stella and Blake, and Reese and Jude. What are their separate relationships with the truth? How much does telling the truth or obscuring it play a part in the functionality of a relationship? How much does the past matter in each case?
9 - What does Stella feel she has to lose in California, if she reveals her true identity to her family and her community? When Loretta, a black woman, moves in across the street, what does she represent for Stella? What do Stella’s interactions with Loretta tell us about Stella’s commitment to her new identity?
AUTHOR
Brit Bennett
Short Bio
Brit Bennett was born and raised in the Southern California town of Oceanside, where both of her parents worked in law. Her mother was born in rural Louisiana, and her father grew up in Los Angeles. Influenced by stories from her parents’ childhood and upbringings, Bennett’s writing is interested in class, race, and the intersections between.
Bennett was drawn to writing from a young age, and began developing the ideas for her future novels while still in high school. She studied English at Stanford, where she won the Bocock/Guerard and Robert M. Golden Thesis prizes for her fiction. Bennett went on to earn her MFA in Fiction at the University of Michigan, where she was awarded a Hopwood Award in Graduate Short Fiction as well as the 2014 Hurston/Wright Award in College Writing.
Bennett began work on her debut novel, The Mothers, while at Stanford, and continued to rework it while at University of Michigan. The book was published in 2016, when Bennett was 26 years old. The Mothers is a story about young love, ambition, and a big secret in a small community. It’s set within a close-knit, Black church community in Southern California, not dissimilar to the Oceanside community in which Bennett was raised. Bennett has said, “For The Mothers, I was writing about the place that I came from, Oceanside, which is to be fair, a larger town than it feels, but that to me is what it felt like. It felt small and claustrophobic and very local.”
The Mothers received instant, widespread praise and became a New York Times bestseller. Novelist Yaa Gyasi described the book as, “Wonderful—warm and tender and necessary,” and National Book Award-winning writer Jacqueline Woodson called it, “A stellar novel—moving, thoughtful. Stunning.” Bennett was named a 5 Under 35 honoree by the National Book Foundation and the book was longlisted for the NBCC John Leonard First Novel Prize and the PEN/Robert W. Bingham Prize for Debut Fiction.
In 2020, on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, Bennett released her second novel, The Vanishing Half. The story follows the lives of twin sisters, inseparable as children, who ultimately choose to live in two very different worlds, one as a Black woman and one passing as white. The novel is sprawling in scope, opening in a small town in Louisiana in 1954 and moving toward almost the present day. Bennett was inspired in part by stories her mother shared with her about growing up in the South. Read more..
Brit Bennett talks about her book, The Vanishing Half, and answers readers’ questions.
A NOTE FROM AUTHOR
Brit Bennett
A CONVERSATION WITH
Brit Bennett
The Vanishing Half debuted at No. 1 on the New York Times bestseller list, and there was this huge bidding war over the TV rights. What was that like?
Crazy! All those things happened back to back. It was a really strange and exciting month for me. And neither of those were things that I could have ever predicted with this book. I just hoped that people would even want to read books as we experience this epidemic and this crisis that we’re all in. I just hoped that there would be an audience for the book. And I certainly didn’t expect the audience to be so enthusiastic.
Yeah, it’s hugely enthusiastic. And I think part of that comes from the voice of the book, which is just so rich and pleasurable to read. It feels almost plush, like you can wrap yourself up in it. How did you think about the book’s narrative voice as you were putting it together?
I think I knew that I wanted to play with this omniscience, this kind of all-knowing voice that will dip in and out of the different characters and follow them as they go to different places. But I think I also always thought about that omniscience being grounded in the town where the book opens and the town that the book centers around. It tells the goings-on of the people who live in the town, but also follows the people after they’ve left the town to wherever they end up around the world.
That gossip voice is very similar in a way to the church ladies in The Mothers, your first book, who are the Greek chorus.
I like gossip! I think gossip is a really useful mode of storytelling and a really fun mode of storytelling.
It’s so important. I spend so much of my time on Lainey Gossip. What was it like to write this book that’s so concerned with race in the Jim Crow era, and in the decades afterward, and then have it come out in this moment when the national conversation about race has been so galvanized?
Strange. You spend so long writing a book, you have no idea what the context will be like when the book actually comes out. For me, I kept thinking like, “Oh, this book is going to come out in an election year.” And I thought that would just be the context surrounding the book. And then I started to realize that it was going to come out during a pandemic, and then that felt like a context I could not have predicted, and most of us couldn’t have. And then the book came out maybe a week after George Floyd was killed. And the conversation turned so squarely, in that moment, to race.
So it was strange, but I had to realize that any sort of label of timeliness is something that comes from outside of the book. Timeliness is a label that’s applied externally. And it’s definitely not anything that’s in your hands as the writer. It has to do with the context in which a book is released, and which readers greet the book. So it felt very strange, but again, it felt like one of those things that have nothing to do with you in a way, although they do contribute to the narrative surrounding the book.
So there’s a pretty long history in America of books about passing. And they have some
pretty prescribed tropes. There’s Nella Larsen’s Passing. There’s the tragic mulatto. There’s the sort of inevitable crisis at the end. How did you think about those tropes? As you were writing The Vanishing Half, were you interested in reimagining and subverting them?
I was definitely aware of the tropes. I feel like you have to be aware of the conventions of whatever you’re writing into. So I was aware of those tropes, and I knew that most of our passing stories are usually quite moralizing. Usually the person who passes is punished at the end. I knew that I didn’t want to punish Stella per se. I certainly didn’t want to kill her or have her fall or jump or get pushed out of a window. I knew that those were some tropes of the genre I want to avoid.
I knew that I was writing into this long, storied history of passing literature, but I was also writing into it as a writer in the 21st century. And I wanted to look at that genre from my perspective as a young person alive now. And some of that meant trying to skirt some of those tropes in the genre. And some of that meant just trying to reimagine what a passing story looks like in a world where we think of these categories as being inherently fluid.
And that’s one of the things that’s so interesting in the book: There are so many characters who are moving between categories of identity. Not just racial identity, but you also have the characters of Reese, who’s a trans man, and Barry, who’s a drag queen. And even in a way, Kennedy, who is so interested in leaving behind what she thinks of as her identity to explore these new selves as an actress. What is interesting to you about the idea of moving around between categories of identity and fluidity within them?
Once I started to think about this book, I really wanted to just circle around this really huge, huge, huge question, which was just: How do we all become who we are? And that’s obviously a huge question that’s at the heart of probably most stories, in some way. I’m certainly not the first person to ponder this question. But I wanted to write toward that and think about these characters who are all performing in a way, who are transforming in a way, who are making these choices that are big and small but shape them in some way.
I knew that my entry point was going to be these twin sisters who make different choices as far as which race that they want to live and which community they belong to. But I also wanted to explore these other forms of being, other types of identities. To think about passing as something that can be done momentarily, something that can be very temporary and fleeting, something that can be playful, something that can be tragic. I wanted to think about all the different ways in which we make choices that shape who we are, and [think] about the ways in which making those choices and creating ourselves ... can be very liberating, but it can also be very painful.
And there’s the deep ambiguity in Stella in the end, where she’s just so sad, but she’s committed to this life and will never, ever leave it. I think we got some reader questions earlier about that, where people felt that they wanted something more definite to have happened to Stella. But I kind of liked the deep ambiguity of it. I felt like if I wanted to have her make a choice one way or the other, I would read an older passing book.
Stella is so interesting to me. Somebody asked me once, “Do you think that if she had to do it all over again, she would have made the same choice?” And I was like, “Yeah, I think she would have.” I don’t think that she regrets passing. I don’t think that the feeling she has is regret. I just think that she has, as you said, ambiguous feelings about it. She loves and misses her family. But she also feels that she made the best choice for herself to create the life that she wanted to live. She has this feeling that, “It’s my one life, why can’t I live it the way I 
want to live it?” And I feel very sympathetic toward that argument.
I wasn’t interested in the question of, “Is Stella going to get caught? What’s going to happen when she gets caught?” I wanted to dangle that possibility because that creates dramatic tension, I think. So you want to play with that possibility, which again, is one of those conventions of passing stories: You’re waiting for that moment of exposure. But at the end of the day, to me, that was a less interesting question than, okay, well, “What if she continues to get away with this, then what happens next?” So landing in this place of her continued and deeper ambiguity, to me that was more interesting than “Stella gets caught” or “Stella makes some definitive choice” or “She decides to move back home.” That, to me, was less interesting than just her continuing to burrow deeper and deeper into her own ambiguous feelings about herself. Read more Q&A..
Heard on All Things Considered with Mary Louise Kelly
What motivates someone to disguise their race, gender, religion, etc.? Danielle explores the complicated history of passing in the United States. From: Origin of Everything; Season 2 Episode 12 | 10m 6s Video |CC; Aired 02/26/2019; From PBS Digital Studios
Chosen Exile: a history of racial passing in American life by
Between the eighteenth and mid-twentieth centuries, countless African Americans passed as white, leaving behind families and friends, roots and community. It was, as Allyson Hobbs writes, a chosen exile, a separation from one racial identity and the leap into another. This revelatory history of passing explores the possibilities and challenges that racial indeterminacy presented to men and women living in a country obsessed with racial distinctions. It also tells a tale of loss. As racial relations in America have evolved so has the significance of passing. To pass as white in the antebellum South was to escape the shackles of slavery. After emancipation, many African Americans came to regard passing as a form of betrayal, a selling of one's birthright. When the initially hopeful period of Reconstruction proved short-lived, passing became an opportunity to defy Jim Crow and strike out on one's own. Although black Americans who adopted white identities reaped benefits of expanded opportunity and mobility, Hobbs helps us to recognize and understand the grief, loneliness, and isolation that accompanied--and often outweighed--these rewards. By the dawning of the civil rights era, more and more racially mixed Americans felt the loss of kin and community was too much to bear, that it was time to "pass out" and embrace a black identity. Although recent decades have witnessed an increasingly multiracial society and a growing acceptance of hybridity, the problem of race and identity remains at the center of public debate and emotionally fraught personal decisions.
A Netflix Film
Based on the novel by Nella Larsen, the movie follows two black women (Tessa Thompson, Ruth Negga) who can pass as white and choose to live on opposite sides of the color line in 1929 New York.
Synopsis
Passing by
Irene Redfield is a Black woman living an affluent, comfortable life with her husband and children in the thriving neighborhood of Harlem in the 1920s. When she reconnects with her childhood friend Clare Kendry, who is similarly light-skinned, Irene discovers that Clare has been passing for a white woman after severing ties to her past - even hiding the truth from her racist husband. Clare finds herself drawn to Irene's sense of ease and longs for the community she lost. Irene is both riveted and repulsed by Clare and her secret, as Clare begins to insert herself into Irene's stable existence.
What is Colorism?
Colorism is defined as a prejudice or discrimination especially within a racial or ethnic group favoring people with lighter skin over those with darker skin. From Good Morning American, People of color discuss the impact of 'colorism' l GMA
Color Stories by
This book offers an in-depth sociological exploration of present-day colorism in the lives of black women, investigating the lived experiences of a phenomenon that continues to affect women of African descent. Race still matters. And for black women, the related issues of skin tone are just as important today as in decades past. Part cultural commentary, part empirical analysis, this book offers a compelling study and discussion of colorism--a widely discussed but understudied issue in "post-racial" America--that demonstrates how powerful a factor skin color remains in the everyday lives of young black women. Author JeffriAnne Wilder conducted interviews with dozens of young black women about the role of colorism in their everyday lives. Collectively, these findings offer a compelling empirical and theoretical analysis of colorism in key areas of 21st-century life, including within family and school settings, in the media, and in intimate relationships. The culmination of nearly two decades of the author's deep entrenchment in colorism studies, Color Stories: Black Women and Colorism in the 21st Century provides a new perspective on a controversial issue that has been a part of black culture and academic study for generations by exploring how the contemporary nature of colorism--from Facebook to the First Lady to Beyoncé--impacts the ideas and experiences of black women. This work serves as essential reading for anyone interested in learning more about the historical and contemporary significance of colorism in modern-day America, regardless of the reader's race, sex, or age.
Sister Style : the politics of appearance for black women political elites by
"They don't think I'm viable, because I'm a Black woman with natural hair and no husband." This comment was made by Stacey Abrams shortly before the 2018 Democratic primary after she became the first Black woman to win a majory party's nomination for governor. Abrams' sentiment reflects the wider environment for Black women in politics, in which racist and sexist cultural ideas have long led Black women to be demeaned and fetishized for their physical appearance. In Sister Style, Nadia E. Brown and Danielle Casarez Lemi argue that Black women's political experience and the way that voters evaluate them is shaped overtly by their skin tone and hair texture, with hair being a particular point of scrutiny. They ask what the politics of appearance for Black women mean for Black women politicians and Black voters, and how expectations about self-presentation differ for Black women versus Black men, White men, and White women. Black women running for office face pressure, often from campaign consultants and even close colleagues, to change their style in order to look more like White women. However, as this book shows, Black women candidates and elected officials react differently to these pressures depending on factors like age and incumbency. Moreover, Brown and Lemi delve into the ways in which Black voters react to Black female candidates based on appearance. They base their argument, in part, on focus groups with Black women candidates and elected officials, and show that there are generational differences that determine what sorts of styles Black women choose to adopt and to what extent they change their physical appearance based on external expectations.
Double Dutching in My Own Skin by
Restrictively more than most, the collective image of Black women's identities are created by others. The glamorized life of Black women with light skin and the presumed likeness to whiteness has caused division within the Black community for years. Most often written and spoken of is the victimization of darker-hued women due to their skin tone. This thoughtful book explores colorism, which is a form of internalized racism, from the perspective of a light-skinned Black woman. By examining the social construction of race through the lens of Black Feminist Thought and Critical Race Theory the author uncovers a different narrative of colorism. Intimate accounts of skin tone stratification from Dr. Simpkins' own lived experience are shared as she engages in self-awareness throughout the entire book. A critical perspective of popular culture in movies offers insight into the origination of inscribed identifies of Black women. The traditional roles of Mammy, Sapphire and Jezebel are examined to further illustrate the perpetuation of colorism. The context of this work should be understood as groundbreaking to the field of colorism.
Many of the characters in The Vanishing Half create and shape the way their identities are perceived by others. The characters are committed to maintaining their identities mainly because of survival — either of society or self. Characters are forced into inauthentic self-creation. In some cases, the characters settle back into parts or their full authentic self while others are unable to accept and live in their truth.
Knowing who you are is crucial for several reasons, as it shapes your self-concept, relationships, decision-making, and personal growth:
1. Clarity of Purpose: Understanding your values, strengths, and passions helps you set meaningful goals and align your actions with your core beliefs. This alignment fosters a sense of purpose and direction, which is essential for long-term fulfillment.
The Power of Awe by
Nautilus Book Awards Gold Recipient Discover a clinically proven way to reduce inflammation, stress, loneliness, and burnout while improving overall well-being As lifelong meditators and mindfulness teachers, we confess we were almost embarrassed when we stumbled onto a 5-15 second shortcut to transcendence. This idea ran counter to everything we knew about meditation before we began our research. But, yes, it is possible. It only requires accessing the powerful emotion of awe in ordinary, everyday life. The changes in our lives have been profound, and after seeing the results repeated again and again in our thousands of patients, clients, and study participants, we've proven that our shortcut, coined the A.W.E. Method, works. --from the Preface Research has proven that mindfulness improves well-being and reduces stress, anxiety, and pain. But for some, the practice itself feels challenging and inaccessible. That's where the A.W.E. Method comes in. In The Power of Awe, therapist Jake Eagle and chronic pain specialist Michael Amster, MD, share their extraordinary yet simple mindfulness practice that turns ordinary moments into awe-inducing experiences, helping you effortlessly achieve a heightened state of consciousness usually reserved for seasoned practitioners of mindfulness--all within a matter of seconds. A.W.E. stands for Attention, Wait, Exhale and Expand, and the method is a five- to fifteen-second, three-step process--a type of "microdosing mindfulness," or a brief, informal mindfulness practice supported by research conducted at UC Berkeley. The A.W.E. Method quickly transports us into awe, an incredibly powerful emotion that produces wonderment and a heightened state of consciousness along with some remarkable changes in the mind and body that can improve health and wellness. Experiencing awe does not require any demanding discipline or skills or "awesome" settings. The A.W.E. Method ensures that awe and its many benefits are accessible to you at any time, in any place--sitting at a stoplight, cooking a meal, petting an animal, or listening to a loved one's laugh.
How It Feels to Find Yourself by
From the author of Start Where You Are comes an illustrated guide for moving through life's biggest transitions with purpose and clarity. How It Feels to Find Yourself pairs vibrant color palettes with thoughtful observations and guidance for navigating the most important relationship in our lives- the one we have with ourselves. Through illustrated charts, honest essays, and insightful questions for deeper reflection, Meera Lee Patel encourages us to sharpen our internal compasses-so we can discover our purpose, let go of what we've outgrown, and navigate challenging relationships with confidence. How It Feels to Find Yourself provides comfort for the difficult moments in life while serving as a source for deeper learning. It is a valuable gift for anyone who is facing uncertainty or entering a new chapter in life. Each page creates nostalgia for the places and experiences we've already encountered, while shining a hopeful light toward where we are headed next.
2. Emotional Resilience: A strong sense of self equips you to navigate challenges and setbacks more effectively. When you know who you are, external judgments or failures are less likely to shake your confidence because you draw strength from an internal sense of identity.
The Onward Workbook by
An empowering journey that keeps great teachers in the classroom The Onward Workbook is a collection of tools and strategies that help teachers banish the burnout and cultivate true resilience. Keyed to the framework presented in Onward, this companion piece augments the text with practical exercises, coaching, and step-by-step walkthroughs of beneficial practices. Deep introspection allows you to verbalize your feelings, name your challenges, and identify the tools you have and the tools you need--from there, you'll explore each of the 12 Key Habits and learn how to put them into practice every day. In cultivating resilience within yourself and your teaching practice, you improve your health, your outlook, and your relationships while building an environment in which every child succeeds. This workbook takes you on a journey of specific self-discovery that changes your perspective, renews your confidence, and empowers you to make the much-needed changes that allow you to continue inspiring young minds. Dig deeper within to discover what you're truly made of Decode complex emotions, body language, and nonverbal communications Challenge your beliefs, build community, and navigate difficult interactions Learn more, feel more, play more, and practice effective self-care Resiliency is an underrated skill--one that can make all the difference in our schools. Challenges will always arise, but it is your response that dictates the outcome. Can you think of a more important lesson for your students? When some 70 percent of teachers quit within their first five years, it is clear that changes must be made. The Onward Workbook equips you to make the changes that you can, and flourish into the future. While this book can be used by individuals, it is also designed so that groups, teams, departments, or an entire staff can take up the learning together. There are specific suggestions in the workbook for using this with a group, and educators will reap even more reward from discussing the practices and experiences with colleagues.
Resilience That Works by
"A practical guide for gaining and maintaining strength through the trials and tribulations of leading and living." Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the TED podcast WorkLife "Fortunately, there is more than one road to resilience. This clearly-written guide maps out how any worker at any level can be happier and healthier in the office and beyond." Meg Jay, author of Supernormal: The Secret World of the Family Hero "Resilience That Works quashes the belief that working harder is the best way to address the challenges of the day. Instead, it presents eight effective practices you can implement immediately." Elaine Biech, CPTD Fellow and author of Skills for Career Success "If you want to learn what resilience is, this book is a must read. If you want to learn practices to be more resilient, this book is a must-do." Clemson G. Turregano, Leadership Professor of Practice, The Citadel "Ruderman, Clerkin, and Fernandez reinforced previous leadership lessons, gave language to things I intuitively felt, and gave me additional practices to activate and integrate into how I lead for impact." Karen McNeil-Miller, President and CEO, The Colorado Health Foundation As a leader, it's easy to push yourself to the brink of exhaustion. Responding to challenges with brute force may be effective for a brief time, but this approach eventually wears you down and compromises your ability to function. Drawing on scientific research and practical experience at the Center for Creative Leadership, Resilience That Works: Eight Practices for Leadership and Lifeoffers an alternative-a portfolio of eight resilience practices to keep you healthy, focused, and functioning effectively long before crisis arises. Filled with concrete and actionable advice, Resilience That Works guides you through personalized strategies for developing lasting resilience.
3. Healthy Relationships: Self-awareness allows you to set boundaries, communicate effectively, and build authentic connections with others. Knowing your needs and preferences makes it easier to form relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
Relationship Sanity: creating and maintaining healthy relationships by
A vital guide to overcome the barriers to achieving intimacy and meaningful connection People in resilient relationships are co-owners, experience reciprocity, and are better prepared to meet challenges authentically and effectively. In this sequel to the best-selling Irrelationship, the authors use examples from their clinical practice to review the concept of irrelationship and expand the DREAM Sequence, a tool used by affected couples to address perennial relationship issues. By mutually and mindfully viewing the relationship as a third entity, separate from each individual, couples will learn how to live in and with the ambiguity of empathy, intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional investment and view relationship sanity as a deliberate and joyful undertaking to maintain and deepen connection.
How to Have Meaningful Relationships by
Your map to building stronger relationships.
4. Better Decision-Making: When you're clear about your identity, it's easier to make choices that reflect your true desires rather than succumbing to external pressures or expectations. This helps reduce regrets and enhances satisfaction with the paths you take.
Thirty Seconds That Can Change Your Life: : a decision-making guide for those who refuse to be mediocre by
It takes only a single, 30-second decision to change your work or personal life for the better. Getting to that point is what is more complex, and getting there depends on the decisions you make and the context you use to make those decisions.
Making Accountable Decisions: a journey to an accountable life by
We struggle making decisions and most times we just wish someone would make them for us. What if that could all change and you could master the decisions you face in your life? The average person makes hundreds of decisions each day. They range from the ordinary and mundane to life-altering events. Many decisions we are faced with have little effect on our lives. They deal with the simple problems and require simple choices. However, there are those decisions which impact our lives and the lives of those around us in very significant and consequential ways. In Making Accountable Decisions, Sam Silverstein presents ways to approach our life's decisions and how we interact with and affect others. He does this by focusing on the most substantial decisions in our lives, considering how they impact us and what decisions we can make to add value and meaning. Sam is the founder of The Accountability Movement(tm) and works with companies, government agencies and people around the world helping them build accountable cultures and live accountable lives. Building an accountable world is his life's mission. Some people choose to let life happen. Some people make it happen. What's your decision?
5. Personal Growth: Knowing who you are is the foundation for self-improvement. By identifying your strengths and areas for growth, you can work toward becoming the best version of yourself while staying true to your core identity.
The Transformative Self: personal growth, narrative identity, and the good life by
The Transformative Self explores three of life's perennial questions: How do we make sense of our lives? What is a good life? How do we create one? In this comprehensive volume, developmental psychologist Jack Bauer responds to those three questions by integrating three main areas of study-narrative identity, the good life, and personal growth-to present an innovative model of humane flourishing and human development. The Transformative Self synthesizes an extensive range of scholarship, from scientific research in psychology to work in philosophy, literature, history, cultural studies, and more. The result is a cohesive framework for understanding how personal and cultural stories shape our development and how, through those stories, we might cultivate the growth of happiness, love, and wisdom for the self and others.
There Has to Be More by
Create a life that truly makes you happy with this essential guide to personal growth.You may have outgrown a relationship. Your job may no longer excite you. Maybe you look in the mirror and see someone you don't want to be anymore. You might be so fed up that you're ready to throw in the towel at work or in a friendship or relationship.Behind the scenes, thousands of smart, capable, amazing people like you feel the exact same way.Rachel Service was once one of these people. After a successful career plagued with anxiety, depression and eventually burn out, she knew there had to be more to life - so she booked a ticket to New York City to see Beyonce. It wasn't until she found herself crying through the concert that she realised: she was the problem. What she didn't yet know, was that she could also be the answer.In There Has To Be More, Rachel shares the methods and tools she created to genuinely grow and build a life that reflects what makes her happy. Since then, she has turned $300 in her bank account into a million-dollar business, became a CEO, got married and did a TEDx talk in a hot pink suit.There Has To Be More is a practical guide that walks the reader through the five steps towards personal growth. Rachel holds your hand along the way, encouraging you to pause and self-assess, then move on with greater insights and more courage.If you're ready to take back control, grow your confidence and assert your boundaries, this book will give you the tools to make positive change and discover your own definition of success in life and work.
Ultimately, self-awareness is a continuous process, evolving with experiences and reflections. Embracing this journey not only leads to personal happiness but also contributes to a more intentional and authentic life.
TEDx Talks: Know Yourself- Embrace Your YOU Print
Who Do You Think You Are?
The Woman They Could Not Silence by Kate Moore
1860: As the clash between the states rolls slowly to a boil, Elizabeth Packard, housewife and mother of six, is facing her own battle. The enemy sits across the table and sleeps in the next room. Her husband of twenty-one years is plotting against her because he feels increasingly threatened - by Elizabeth's intellect, independence, and unwillingness to stifle her own thoughts. So Theophilus makes a plan to put his wife back in her place. One summer morning, he has her committed to an insane asylum. The horrific conditions inside the Illinois State Hospital in Jacksonville, Illinois, are overseen by Dr. Andrew McFarland, a man who will prove to be even more dangerous to Elizabeth than her traitorous husband. Read more…
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The Woman They Could Not Silence: one woman, her incredible fight for freedom, and the men who tried to make her disappear by
From the New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Radium Girls comes another dark and dramatic but ultimately uplifting tale of a forgotten woman hero whose inspirational journey sparked lasting change for women's rights and exposed injustices that still resonate today. 1860: As the clash between the states rolls slowly to a boil, Elizabeth Packard, housewife and mother of six, is facing her own battle. The enemy sits across the table and sleeps in the next room. Her husband of twenty-one years is plotting against her because he feels increasingly threatened--by Elizabeth's intellect, independence, and unwillingness to stifle her own thoughts. So he makes a plan to put his wife back in her place. One summer morning, he has her committed to an insane asylum. The horrific conditions inside the Illinois State Hospital in Jacksonville, Illinois, are overseen by Dr. Andrew McFarland, a man who will prove to be even more dangerous to Elizabeth than her traitorous husband. But most disturbing is that Elizabeth is not the only sane woman confined to the institution. There are many rational women on her ward who tell the same story: they've been committed not because they need medical treatment, but to keep them in line--conveniently labeled "crazy" so their voices are ignored. No one is willing to fight for their freedom and, disenfranchised both by gender and the stigma of their supposed madness, they cannot possibly fight for themselves. But Elizabeth is about to discover that the merit of losing everything is that you then have nothing to lose... Bestselling author Kate Moore brings her sparkling narrative voice to The Woman They Could Not Silence, an unputdownable story of the forgotten woman who courageously fought for her own freedom--and in so doing freed millions more. Elizabeth's refusal to be silenced and her ceaseless quest for justice not only challenged the medical science of the day, and led to a giant leap forward in human rights, it also showcased the most salutary lesson: sometimes, the greatest heroes we have are those inside ourselves. Praise for The Woman They Could Not Silence: "Like Radium Girls, this volume is a page-turner."--Library Journal, STARRED review "A veritable tour de force about how far women's rights have come and how far we still have to go...Put this book in the hands of every young feminist."--Booklist, STARRED review "In Moore's expert hands, this beautifully-written tale unspools with drama and power, and puts Elizabeth Packard on the map at the most relevant moment imaginable. You will be riveted--and inspired. Bravo!"--Liza Mundy, New York Times bestselling author of Code Girls
1. Elizabeth is locked up in the asylum because her husband does not agree with her religious views. Do you think modern-day America is more or less tolerant of diverse religions (and controversial viewpoints) than in Packard’s time? How free are followers of minority faiths to practice in the US today?
2. Elizabeth employs a variety of tactics --- physical resistance, negotiating with hospital staff, writing --- to protest her treatment throughout the book. Which techniques were most effective for her? What strategies would you turn to in her place?
3. “Novel reading,” masturbation and irregular menstrual cycles are a few of the many reasons that women were admitted to asylums in Elizabeth’s time. Which, if any, of these justifications stood out to you? How has our understanding of these “causes of insanity” changed?
4. Dr. Duncanson, the doctor who supports Elizabeth in her insanity trial, testifies that: “I did not agree with... her on many things, but I do not call people insane because they differ with me.” How relevant is this statement in America today when political opinions are so divided, and what does it do to public discourse when the idea of insanity is brought into politics? Do you think we might ever return to a time when people are locked up for holding an opposing viewpoint to those in power?
5. Elizabeth and McFarland have a complicated relationship to say the least. What did you think of her continuous attempts to redeem him? Did she truly think he would change, or was she just trying to improve her own circumstances? What were the long-lasting effects of the relationship on each of them?
6. When Elizabeth is first released from the asylum, how does her homecoming compare to her daydreams and expectations? Have you ever had a similar experience? How did you handle the difference between your expectations and reality?
7. Elizabeth’s landmark case for her sanity was originally a trial regarding habeas corpus. What did you think of the judge’s decision to shift focus? Is a jury qualified to confirm or deny someone’s sanity?
8. What did you think of the spate of releases that occurred right before Jacksonville came under scrutiny?
9. Right or wrong, McFarland was completely trusted by the Jacksonville Asylum’s Board of Trustees. What impact did this have on his patients? How did the Board respond to Fuller’s investigation and recommendations? Can you think of a way to avoid such conflicts of interest?
10. Governor Oglesby was not required to act on the findings of the investigative committee and planned to keep them under wraps until the next meeting of the Illinois General Assembly. What motivated him to keep the report under wraps? Do you think modern politicians play the same games with important information?
11. The book explores the power of rumor and reputation. Even though Elizabeth is declared sane, rumors persist about her sanity for the rest of her life and were used to discredit her. Can you think of any modern-day examples where, even though someone has been cleared of something, their opponents continue to use that something against them? Do you think this is “fair game,” or is it morally wrong?
12. How did Elizabeth’s status as a woman, mother and asylum patient both help and hinder her lobbying efforts? How did she use men’s expectations of her to bolster her causes?
13. Which of Elizabeth’s many accomplishments do you think she was most proud of? Is there anything else you see as her greatest achievement?
14. Elizabeth writes: “To be lost to reason is a greater misfortune than to be lost to virtue, and the... scorn which the world attaches to it [is] greater.” Do you think this is still true today? The American Psychological Association recently stated that only 25 percent of adults with symptoms of mental illness believe that people will be caring and sympathetic toward them. How can we improve sympathy for those who struggle with their mental health? And which do you think carries more societal shame: having a mental health problem or being “lost to virtue”? Is the answer dependent on gender?
A NOTE FROM AUTHOR
Kate Moore
Dear Reader,
Some stories find you. Others, you have to go in search of.
In the fall of 2017, the world was set ablaze by the fire of the #MeToo movement. Everywhere, women’s voices were raised and, more remarkably, heard. Yet many of the tales told in that cohesive chorus were historic. Why hadn’t we been listened to—and believed—before?
I was inspired by the movement. I wanted to write about the issues being raised. But it wasn’t for me to be a mouthpiece for those women bravely speaking out in that incendiary fall: they were already powerfully representing themselves. Instead, I wanted to examine the movement in a different way, to delve into how women—who have in truth always spoken out—have been silenced in the past, their words devalued so their blazing fire burns out to worthless ash.
Too often, it seemed to me, women had been silenced and dis-credited with the claim that we were crazy. For centuries, whenever we women had used our voices, whether in accusation of abuse or in simple self- assertion, our mental health had been wielded as a weapon against us, used to undermine and control us. Our words and actions, our passions and our politics, even our very personalities had too often and too easily been manipulated through a lens of madness, which fell into focus whenever we acted in a way that challenged the powers that be.
Not for nothing does the word hysteria derive from the Greek for uterus.
As I began my research, it wasn’t hard to find shocking real-life cases I could potentially write about. These stories all too often featured barbaric medical practices that silenced women physically as well as mentally, leaving them irreparably harmed: electroshock therapies, surgical lobotomies, even involuntary sterilizations. I uncovered cases such as that of Gennie Pilarski, a young woman from Illinois who’d simply wanted to live independently from her parents who was lobotomized in 1955, leaving her mute and unable to communicate. Her medical notes prior to the operation explicitly stated that she had “no signs of active pathology,” but her doctors observed she was “unfriendly” and “disagreeable”—supposedly unfeminine attributes that have long been considered signs of female madness…because women are meant solely to simper sweetly. Far too often, as with Gennie, a woman’s psychiatric diagnosis is based not on her state of mind but on her social behavior.
Yet as fruitful as it was, my research was also profoundly depressing. Too many stories had tragic endings. Too many women finished their defiant journeys with their mouths stitched shut, their voices silenced by electric shocks or surgery or the solid brick walls of an insane asylum. “Crazy” was a cul-de-sac, a one-way street that only ever ended with one outcome. Was there any woman in history, I wondered, who had been declared insane by a patriarchal society for speaking her mind, but who had somehow, against the odds, proved her sanity and prevailed?
I went in search of this mystery woman, hoping she existed. And in a University of Wisconsin essay that I randomly found online, in a single paragraph four pages in, I first read about Elizabeth Packard.
The woman they could not silence.
They tried. Oh, how they tried. Even after her death, they tried. So often in the course of my research into this extraordinary woman, I kept hitting dead ends and obfuscations, smacking up against a century of received wisdom that cast her in a very different light. It was striking how even I struggled at times to fight against that pernicious perspective, how often I felt on the defensive in my defense of her. But I kept on digging, excavating my way through those layers of lies and overtly biased legacies, until the shape of the true woman stood before me.
She cut an hourglass figure in her cage crinoline, her spirit as wide as her skirt. Yet as it had done when she lived, it was her voice that truly resonated, unsilenced through the century and a half since she had fought her battles, and still as strong and as smart as ever.
Her story now lies in your hands. Like a fire, hear her roar.
S h o r t B i o g r a p h y
Kate Moore is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of The Radium Girls, which won the 2017 Goodreads Choice Award for Best History, was voted U.S. librarians’ favorite nonfiction book of 2017, and was named a Notable Nonfiction Book of 2018 by the American Library Association. A British writer based near Cambridge, UK, Kate writes across a variety of genres and has had multiple titles on the Sunday Times bestseller list. Her latest book is the critically acclaimed The Woman They Could Not Silence, which, among other accolades, was named runner-up for Best History in the 2021 Goodreads Choice Awards and a 2021 Booklist Editor's Choice.
L o n g B i o g r a p h y
As a little girl growing up in Peterborough, England, Kate Moore dreamed of becoming a bestselling writer. She still has to pinch herself that her dream came true. After studying English Literature at the University of Warwick, Kate embarked on a successful career in publishing as a nonfiction editor. Over the next decade, she rose to become an editorial director at Penguin Random House UK. Her authors included Craig Revel Horwood, John Barrowman, Chris Tarrant, Francesca Martinez, Lucie Brownlee and Sarbjit Kaur Athwal. (To this day, Kate still offers occasional editorial services on a freelance basis.) During this time, she also dabbled in writing gift and humor books, and in 2008 had her first Sunday Times bestseller in The Lovers’ Book (later republished as Roses Are Red).
On 4 July 2014 – her very own Independence Day – Kate took a leap of faith and left her full-time role to become a freelance editor, author and ghostwriter. On Day 1 of her new business venture, she had already secured commissions to write four books. She never looked back. Over the next three years she wrote eleven books, both under her own name and as a ghostwriter for some extraordinary people. Many of them became Sunday Times bestsellers.
In April 2017, one of those eleven books, The Radium Girls, was published in America. It became one of the bestselling history books of the year and was an instant New York Times bestseller upon publication of the paperback. It also won multiple awards, including the Goodreads Choice Award for Best History.
The book was a labor of love for Kate, who discovered the girls’ story while directing a play about them. (Alongside her publishing career, Kate has always maintained her love of theatre, appearing as an actress in countless productions over the years.) Wanting to ensure her production of These Shining Lives by Melanie Marnich was as authentic as possible, Kate conducted lots of research on the radium girls and was amazed to discover that no book existed that focused on the women themselves. Feeling passionately that they deserved such a book, Kate decided to write it. Her research took her four thousand miles across an ocean to follow in the women’s footsteps. She stood at the sites of the dial-painting studios, visited the women’s homes and graves and met their families, and remembered the radium girls. She hoped, through her book, that readers would do the same.
Since publication, Kate has personally presented the story of the radium girls in close to thirty states. She has also been lucky enough to continue that writing career she dreamed of as a little girl; her latest book, The Woman They Could Not Silence, was published in June 2021 and became another commercial and critical success, placing second in the Goodreads Choice Awards 2021 for Best History and being named a 2021 Booklist Editor’s Choice.
Her passion as a writer is to help people to have a voice, especially those silenced through injustice. With every book, she hopes to take readers on a visceral journey so that they too can experience the extraordinary lives of others.
She hopes you’ll walk with her, one book at a time.
with Kate Moore
How did you first encounter Elizabeth’s story? When did you decide that you wanted to write about her? 
Before I even knew her name, I actively went looking for Elizabeth’s story. The background to that quest: In the fall of 2017, the world was set ablaze by the #metoo movement and I wanted to write about some of the issues being raised. Namely: Why hadn’t women been listened to—and believed—before? Too often, it seemed to me, women had been silenced and discredited with the claim that we were crazy. Was there any woman in history, I wondered, who had been declared insane by a patriarchal society for speaking her mind, but who had somehow, against the odds, proved her sanity and prevailed? (Because I wanted a happy ending for my book!) I went in search of this mystery woman—only hoping she existed. And on January 15, 2018, after having fallen down a rabbit hole of internet searches about women and madness and insane asylums, I first read about Elizabeth Packard in a University of Wisconsin essay that I randomly found online.
That first reference was just a single paragraph in length, but a few google clicks later, having learned a little more about her life, I was hopeful I had found the central protagonist of my next book. (I noted in my diary she looked “promising.”) Yet it wasn’t until I had completed my due diligence, reading the other books about her that existed at that time so as to be sure that my vision for her story—a work of narrative non-fiction—hadn’t already been published, that I knew for definite she was “The One.”
Elizabeth’s story relies heavily on her personal tenacity. How do you think she cultivated that strength? What resources do you draw on when you feel like giving up?
I think Elizabeth’s strength is absolutely remarkable. Ultimately, I think the bedrock to it was that she knew she was in the right, but even more remarkably, she maintained the confidence to insist on that truth—something with which some of us struggle. Her faith clearly helped too.
What resources do I draw on? Hope, knowledge that things will always get better (because nothing lasts forever), and sometimes (i.e. when writing a book!) the knowledge that you have to put the hard work in to enjoy the outcome. Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Elizabeth is a great role model for standing up for yourself and always following the truth. Who are your role models, historical or modern?
My role models are the radium girls, who I wrote about in another book. These incredible women are, to me, inspirational beacons of courage and strength. Whenever I’m anxious, I always think of how they might have responded to a situation, or simply of what they went through, and they give me the strength to carry on.
You aptly note the ways that our public discourse hasn’t changed when it comes to denouncing opponents by calling them “insane.” Why does that technique have such staying power? How do you think we can combat it?
I think it has staying power because it’s so dismissive. The accuser isn’t even trying to engage with or debate their opponent— probably because they fear they may be bested. I think part of combating it is actually already happening: demystifying those who are genuinely mentally ill and treating them with love and understanding, and with an appreciation that either we or someone we know is likely to suffer with mental health issues. With that changed approach, the former “slur” of being called crazy has less power. And the accusation itself is revealed to be fearful and hollow in nature.
When writing nonfiction, you can’t always expect events to be “story-shaped.” What kind of work do you do to make a cohesive narrative out of complicated true events? What’s the hardest part of that process? The most fun part?
The key thing for me is to complete my research before I write a word of the book. Doing so not only enables me to see the big picture, from which I’ll craft the narrative, it also often throws up intriguing twists that enhance the book’s plot. I first plot all my research into a chronological timeline, and only after that do I plot the book itself, which is different, because for dramatic purposes you may want to include “reveals,” etc. Even as I’m researching, though, I’ve got an antennae quivering for possible endof-chapter slam-dunk quotations and potentially dramatic scenes.
The hardest part of the process? Two answers. One, because I’m writing non-fiction, at times the historic sources simply don’t exist to tell you exactly what happened. That can be really frustrating. Two—almost the opposite problem—the act of sifting through the sources and the data that you do have and deciding what—or perhaps more importantly, what not—to include. It’s essential to know the story you want to tell from those sources and to stick to it, but that’s often easier said than done. I find the editing process is usually essential to help truly distil the narrative you’re crafting.
The most fun part? Hands down, actually writing a scene after you’ve done your research and know all the intimate details that will bring it to life. For example, what the weather was like that day, what clothes the person might have been wearing, the nature of their surroundings and what they looked like, etc. All those details may have come from many different sources and to combine them as the scene flows out from your pen is a wonderful feeling: you can see this historic scene so clearly in your own mind, brought to life by the collected facts.
Both The Woman They Could Not Silence and your previous book, The Radium Girls, required extensive research. How do you work with archives and other sources for primary texts and historical data? What recommendations do you have for other researchers and writers?
I have to give a shout-out to librarians and archivists across the country here: they’re always so knowledgeable and helpful. The how of how I work probably boils down to knowing the story I want to tell and how I want to tell it—so I’ll mine a source for descriptive details, for example. Staying focused helps you to sort through what is always a mass of data. That said, it’s critical to remain openminded too because until the research is finished, you don’t necessarily know what is important!
As for tips, I would say, be inspired by those who have come before you down a research path. When you’re taking your own first steps, it can be useful to consult bibliographies of other books in order to find out what archives even exist. Some of them may prove useful to you too. Secondly, relish pursuing the various serendipitous trails that pop up along the way, whether that’s “following the money” to discover corruption and influence, or simply saying yes to opportunities for further research that, for example, those wonderful librarians may suggest!
Speaking of research, were there any surprising facts that didn’t make it into the final book? What was the most interesting thing you discovered but weren’t able to include?
There was so much that didn’t make it in! I had to cut an entire part as the first draft was too long. (It was the original part one, which I’d written as a Crucible-esque witch-hunt, as Elizabeth’s religious community tightened the noose of alleged insanity about her neck until she was committed to the asylum.) Similarly, at the other end of the book, I did a heap of research into twentieth century facts around the book’s themes. Here, a surprising fact to me was that it wasn’t until 1974, with the passing of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, that independent women could get credit cards themselves. Until then, a single, divorced or widowed woman had to get a man to cosign any credit application before it would be granted.
I also regretted deeply that I wasn’t able to write more about how Black people face increased prejudice when it comes to alleged insanity. Statistics show that Black women are institutionalized far more frequently than white women with exactly the same symptoms, and they’re also disproportionately affected by extreme “treatments”—such as, in former times, involuntary sterilizations. Black women made up 85 percent of those legally sterilized in North Carolina in the 1960s; in other operations, Black children as young as five were lobotomized. These things occurred after Elizabeth’s time, however, and I wasn’t able, in the end, to find a place for them in the postscript (they had featured in my first draft).
What does your writing space look like? How do you keep all your research and drafts organized?
I have written books all over my house so I don’t have a dedicated writing space as such; I wrote The Radium Girls at my kitchen table. For The Woman They Could Not Silence, I wrote in our very newly decorated, tiny study. It was all very minimalist as our furniture was still in storage from the renovation. I literally just had a desk, a chair, and a side table with a CD player on it so I could listen to music while I wrote (for this book, generally Ludovico Einaudi’s Eden Roc or the soundtrack to The Mission, composed by Ennio Morricone). The study walls are painted a cream color—for the interest of readers of The Radium Girls, it is a shade named Ottawa—and I wrote with four pictures of Elizabeth stuck onto them, so that she was always with me.
It’s a very tidy space. I just have one A4 printout beside me—my book plan—which I check off and annotate as I go along. My research and various drafts are all stored on my laptop, so there are no piles of paper. On that laptop, the research is organized to the nth degree. Every source has a unique reference number that I’ve given it, which is plotted into my chronological timeline. All that time-consuming, painstaking preparation means I can locate a specific quotation from a source in seconds. This also enables me to write fluidly and fast.
What are you reading these days?
I haven’t had much time for reading lately—rightly or wrongly, when I’m deep in the writing and editing process, I tend not to read, so that I only have the one story in my head. But the best non-fiction I most recently read was Karen Abbott’s The Ghosts of Eden Park. And I have Margaret Atwood’s The Testaments waiting for me on my bookshelf once this book is done. ~from Kate Moore
A bill drawn by a woman:’ Mrs. Packard and rights for the insane
On the morning of June 18, 1860 an Illinois housewife named Elizabeth Packard was forcibly removed from the home she shared with her husband Theophilus Packard, a Calvinist minister, and their six children. The reason for her expulsion? Her husband was having her committed to the Illinois State Hospital in Jacksonville, Illinois. Women had virtually no legal status in mid-19th century America and in the state of Illinois, a husband could have his wife committed to an insane asylum without showing any proof that said wife was, in fact, insane. Theophilus and his wife often quarreled over religious doctrines, with Elizabeth insisting that she had a right to her own beliefs and biblical interpretations and this, it seems, was her husband’s primary justification for having her institutionalized and removed from the lives of her children. (Photograph of Elizabeth Packard from Wikipedia.org.)
Elizabeth spent three years in the asylum with very few means to advocate for herself and her sanity. While incarcerated, she met many other women in similar situations, women who had become inconvenient or were socially noncompliant and therefore needed to be locked away by husbands or other family members. Some women did suffer from various mental health issues and Elizabeth frequently witnessed their cruel treatment at the hands of hospital staff. She diligently wrote down her observations and hid her journals to keep them from being confiscated.
Image of the Illinois State Hospital in Jacksonville, from her “Modern Persecution” (1875).
In 1863, she was released from the asylum to the care of her husband who immediately sought to have her permanently recommitted to yet another institution, this time in Massachusetts. In a desperate bid for freedom and with the help of friends, Elizabeth was finally able to obtain legal assistance. After a multi-day trial, she was deemed legally sane in the state of Illinois. Unfortunately, before the verdict affirming her sanity was rendered Theophilus fled to another state with her children. Despite being found officially sane, as a woman she still had little legal recourse to regain custody of her children.
Bereft at the loss of her family, Elizabeth began to publicly advocate for changes to the treatment of those deemed insane with a particular emphasis on the rights of female patients. She published various books drawing from her personal experiences, shedding light on rampant institutional abuse and calling for major reforms. Of particular concern to her was the right of patients to freely correspond with those outside the asylum without said correspondence being censored – or discarded – by asylum officials. For those improperly imprisoned such as herself, communicating freely with someone on the outside meant that inmates could access the meager legal resources and other practical support available to them. It meant that women could no longer be locked up, never to be heard from again.
Title page from one of her books in the Indiana State Library Collection (ISLM RC439 .P16 1875).
Elizabeth also travelled the country lobbying individual state legislatures to change their laws. In 1891, she set her sights on Indiana and promoted a “Bill for the protection of the postal rights of the inmates of insane asylums.” She implored members of the Indiana legislature that such a law was needed as “a potent remedy for the evils of false imprisonment, unreasonably long detention and abuse of patients.” Senator W.C. Thompson of Marion County officially read and introduced the bill as Senate Bill 55 on Jan. 14, 1891 and it was referred to the Committee on Benevolent Institutions for further consideration.
Article from Indianapolis Journal, Jan. 16, 1891. From Hoosier State Chronicles.
Copy of the proposed bill dated Jan. 20, 1891 (ISLO 362.2 no. 61).
Caption to a pamphlet addressed to the Indiana legislature dated Feb. 3, 1891 (ISLI 362.2 no. 61). Note “Compliments of Mrs. Packard” written in pencil at the top of the page.
According to a subsequent news story titled “Mrs. Packard snubbed,” it appears that Elizabeth herself attended the Committee hearing on her bill but was completely ignored by the men in attendance:
“I have this morning met by appointment the Senate Committee on Benevolent Institutions, in room 113 of the Capitol at 7 o’clock, and was there completely gagged, not allowed to speak one word.”
She concluded her description of the event with a strong condemnation of the behavior of Indiana’s male law-makers:
“To the manliness and honor of the American legislators, I am proud to say that thus is the first uncourteous treatment I have ever received from any legislative committee in these United States. In appealing to forty-three different legislatures I have invariably been allowed a manly, patient hearing before they decide how they should report my bill.”
Indianapolis Times, Jan. 27, 1891. From Hoosier State Chronicles.
In addition to silencing Mrs. Packard, the committee caused further offense by severely altering the language of the original bill and stipulating that the only person an inmate could correspond with uncensored would be the Secretary of the Board of State Charities. Moreover, the committee further recommended to remove the phrase “to prevent sane persons being imprisoned in insane asylums” from the language of the bill. The resulting document was a failure as it continued to leave all the power with the very institutions responsible for committing the abuses Elizabeth sought to remedy.
Ultimately, Senate Bill 55 never progressed passed its second reading. Despite this failure, Elizabeth Packard’s entreaties did lay the groundwork for Hoosier legislators to begin considering similar reforms. Eventually, the General Assembly would pass progressive legislation, such as an act in 1895, which required those accused of insanity to stand for an official inquest with proper legal representation.
Elizabeth Packard was reunited with her children – but remained estranged from her husband – and financially supported them with her earnings from writing and public speaking. She died July 25, 1897.
~blog post written by Jocelyn Lewis, Indiana State Library Posted on May 19, 2022
Short video - learn more about the legal principle of coverture, which continues to shape American women’s lives.
Dating back to medieval English common law, coverture was based on the idea that women were unequal to men. This video—adapted from the New-York Historical Society’s Women & the American Story curriculum—explores the history and legacy of coverture in discrimination against women. The video was produced by the New-York Historical Society’s Teen Leaders interns in collaboration with the Untold project.
Coverture: The Word You Probably Don't Know But Should
Written by: Catherine Allgor is the Nadine and Robert Skotheim Director of Education at The Huntington Library, Art Collections, and Botanical Gardens in San Marino, CA, and is a Professor of History and UC Presidential Chair at the University of California, Riverside. She attended Mount Holyoke College as a Frances Perkins Scholar and received her Ph.D. with distinction from Yale University, where she also won the Yale Teaching Award.
My mother-in-law loves this story. A few years ago, my husband, Andrew, and I went to apply for a mortgage. As a candidate for a house mortgage—and this is the part my mother-in-law loves—I characterize myself as “greater” than my husband. I am older, I have a longer work history, I am more senior in our common profession (we are both professors), I also make more money. I’ve got a longer credit history than he and have owned more houses. Finally (though this is a matter of dispute), I am even a teeny bit taller.
But the only qualification that mattered in this transaction was my status as “wife.” When our broker filled out our application, she listed Andrew first, as the “borrower” and me second, as “co-borrower.” (Did I mention that my last name starts with “A” and his with “J”?). When I pointed this out, our broker, a woman of a certain age with long experience in her profession, sympathized, but stated that if she had made me the primary borrower, the lawyers would “fuss” at her and just revert to the traditional categories. “Honey,” she told me, a professor of women’s history, “it’s a man’s world.”
Point taken. What I had just encountered was a vestige of the legal practice of coverture. This is a term most Americans don’t know but it has been a goal of mine to ensure that all literate, well-educated Americans be as familiar with the idea of coverture as they are with other historical terms such as “liberty,” “democracy,” and “equal rights.”
Coverture is a long-standing legal practice that is part of our colonial heritage. Though Spanish and French versions of coverture existed in the new world, United States coverture is based in English law. Coverture held that no female person had a legal identity. At birth, a female baby was covered by her father’s identity, and then, when she married, by her husband’s. The husband and wife became one–and that one was the husband. As a symbol of this subsuming of identity, women took the last names of their husbands. They were “feme coverts,” covered women. Because they did not legally exist, married women could not make contracts or be sued, so they could not own or work in businesses. Married women owned nothing, not even the clothes on their backs. They had no rights to their children, so that if a wife divorced or left a husband, she would not see her children again.
Married women had no rights to their bodies. That meant that not only would a husband have a claim to any wages generated by his wife’s labor or to the fruits of her body (her children), but he also had an absolute right to sexual access. Within marriage, a wife’s consent was implied, so under the law, all sex-related activity, including rape, was legitimate. His total mastery of this fellow human being stopped short, but just short, of death. Of course, a man wasn’t allowed to beat his wife to death, but he could beat her.
Now, the law doesn’t always reflect real life, and in truth, practice ensured that coverture on the ground was not as restrictive as the black-letter law indicated. Though a woman could own nothing, men who wanted to pass on their wealth through their daughters to grandchildren, devised ways to keep money and property out of the hands of sons-in-law. The demands of commerce also played their own parts. Though a woman could not make a contract, plenty of women did business and trade, either on their own, in a legal exception called “feme sole,” or for absent husbands. Wives often ran businesses alongside their mates, with the local community acting as monitors and enforcers. Finally, we must assume that though husbands had the right to marital relations at will, that there was a great deal of negotiation around sex.
Abigail Adams
CREDIT Benjamin Blyth/ Library of Congress
Coverture was what Abigail Adams was talking about in her famous “Remember the Ladies” letter to John, written in the spring of 1776 as he and the Continental Congress were contemplating what an independent America would look like. Contrary to popular assumptions, she was not asking John for the vote or for what we would understand to be “equal rights.” Rather, when she advised: “Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the Husbands. Remember all Men would be tyrants if they could,” Abigail was talking about the absolute power husbands held in coverture. Abigail even obliquely referred to the shame of physical abuse when she proposed: “Why then, not put it out of the power of the vicious and the Lawless to use us with cruelty and indignity with impunity (?)”
John’s reply dismissed her plea as a joke—he called it “saucy”—but in later correspondence with other lawmakers, he worried about the issue. If the American colonists had a right to rebel against their “virtual representation” in Parliament, why should women be virtually represented by men? But the issue was too thorny for the men of the time and so, even as they created a shiny new machine of government, with a Constitution and modern systems of law on both the federal and state levels, they allowed the creaky, pre-modern device of coverture to remain on the books.
So what happened to coverture? The short answer is that it has been eroded bit by bit. But it has never been fully abolished. The ghost of coverture has always haunted women’s lives and continues to do so. Coverture is why women weren’t regularly allowed on juries until the 1960s, and marital rape wasn’t a crime until the 1980s. Today’s women encounter coverture during real estate transactions, as I did, in tax matters, and in a myriad of other situations around employment and housing. Encounters with coverture can be serious, but often they are just puzzling annoyances, one more hoop to jump. Still, the remnants of coverture are holding us back in unsuspected ways.
Only a few historians and attorneys have understood the impact. What to do? Well, it took a constitutional amendment to abolish slavery and may well take such to free women from this vestige of the past. Educating the public about the meaning and impact of coverture will be a foundational role for the National Women’s History Museum. And that’s just for starters.
~from National Women's History Museum, post September 4, 2012
Try it out!
The Diary of a Young Girl by
Discovered in the attic in which she spent the last years of her life, Anne Frank's remarkable diary has become a world classic--a powerful reminder of the horrors of war and an eloquent testament to the human spirit. In 1942, with the Nazis occupying Holland, a thirteen-year-old Jewish girl and her family fled their home in Amsterdam and went into hiding. For the next two years, until their whereabouts were betrayed to the Gestapo, the Franks and another family lived cloistered in the "Secret Annexe" of an old office building. Cut off from the outside world, they faced hunger, boredom, the constant cruelties of living in confined quarters, and the ever-present threat of discovery and death. In her diary Anne Frank recorded vivid impressions of her experiences during this period. By turns thoughtful, moving, and surprisingly humorous, her account offers a fascinating commentary on human courage and frailty and a compelling self-portrait of a sensitive and spirited young woman whose promise was tragically cut short. Praise for The Diary of a Young Girl "A truly remarkable book."--The New York Times "One of the most moving personal documents to come out of World War II."--The Philadelphia Inquirer "There may be no better way to commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of the end of World War II than to reread The Diary of a Young Girl, a testament to an indestructible nobility of spirit in the face of pure evil."--Chicago Tribune "The single most compelling personal account of the Holocaust . . . remains astonishing and excruciating."--The New York Times Book Review "How brilliantly Anne Frank captures the self-conscious alienation and naïve self-absorption of adolescence."--Newsday
The Diary of Frida Kahlo by
Covering the years 1944-45, the 170-page journal contains Frida's thoughts, poems, and dreams, and reflects her stormy relationship with her husband, Diego Rivera, Mexico's famous artist. The seventy watercolour illustrations in the journal - some lively sketches, several elegant self-portraits, others complete paintings - offer insights into her creative process, and show her frequently using the journal to work out pictorial ideas for her canvases. The text entries, written in Frida's round, full script in brightly coloured inks, add an almost decorative quality, making the journal as captivating to look at as it is to read. Frida's childhood, her political sensibilities, and her obsession with Diego are all illuminated in witty phrases and haunting images. Although much has been written recently about this extraordinary woman, Frida Kahlo's art and life continue to fascinate the world. This personal document, published in a complete full-colour facsimile edition, will add greatly to the understanding of her unique and powerful vision and her enormous courage in the face of more than thirty-five operations to correct injuries she had sustained in an accident at the age of eighteen. The facsimile is accompanied by an introduction by the world-renowned Mexican man of letters Carlos Fuentes and a complete translation of the diary's text. An essay on the place of the diary in Frida's work and in art history at large, as well as commentaries on the images, is provided by Sarah M. Lowe.
You Don't Know What War Is : the diary of a young girl from Ukraine by
An inspiring memoir of resilience by a young survivor of the war in Ukraine, as told through her diary entries--a harrowing and ultimately hopeful survival story. Yeva Skalietska's story begins on her twelfth birthday in Kharkiv, where she has been living with her grandmother since she was a baby. Ten days later, the only life she'd ever known was shattered. On February 24, 2022, her city was suddenly under attack as Russia launched its horrifying invasion of Ukraine. Yeva and her grandmother took shelter in a basement bunker, where she began writing this diary. She describes the bombings she endured while sheltering underground and her desperate journey west to escape the conflict raging around them. After many endless train rides and a prolonged stay in an overcrowded refugee center in Western Ukraine, Yeva and her beloved grandmother eventually find refuge in Ireland. There, she bravely begins to forge a new life, hoping she'll be able to return home one day. Hardcover with dust jacket; 128 pages; 7.5 in H x 5 in W.
Bring Me a Unicorn: diaries and letters of Anne Morrow Lindbergh, 1922-1928 by 
Mary Chesnut's Civil War by
Winner of the 1982 Pulitzer Prize in History "A feast for Civil War buffs. . . . One of the best firsthand records of the Confederate experience. . . . Electrifying."--Walter Clemons, Newsweek "A great epic drama of our greatest national tragedy."--William Styron, New York Review of Books The incomparable Civil War diarist Mary Chesnut wrote that she had the luck "always to stumble in on the real show." Married to a high-ranking member of the Confederate government, she was ideally placed to watch and to record the South's headlong plunge to ruin, and she left in her journals an unsurpassed account of the old regime's death throes, its moment of high drama in world history. With intelligence and passion she described the turbulent events of politics and war, as well as the complex society around her. In her own circles, the aristocratic, patriarchal, slave-holding Mary Chesnut was a figure of heresy and of paradox: she had a horror of slavery and called herself an abolitionist from early youth. Edited by the eminent historian C. Vann Woodward, Mary Chesnut's Civil War presents a full and reliable edition of Chesnut's journals, restoring her to her rightful place in American history and literature.
Florence Nightingale in Egypt and Greece by
Prior to her heroic efforts in nursing during the Crimean War, Florence Nightingale experienced tremendous psychological and spiritual anguish as she struggled to answer what she believed to be a divine call to service. Traveling to Egypt and Greece in 1849-50, she recorded her thoughts in a diary which has never been published in its entirety. Presented with never before published manuscript material and two unusual pieces of short fiction, this work demonstrates that Nightingale gleaned ancient Egyptian, Platonic, and Hermetic philosophy, Christian scripture and the works of poets, mystics, and missionaries in an attempt to understand the nature of God and her role in the divine plan.
A Midwife's Tale : the life of Martha Ballard, based on her diary, 1785-1812 by
PULITZER PRIZE WINNER.Drawing on the diaries of one woman in eighteenth-century Maine,"A truly talented historian unravels the fascinating life of a community that is so foreign, and yet so similar to our own" (The New York Times Book Review). Between 1785 and 1812 a midwife and healer named Martha Ballard kept a diary that recorded her arduous work (in 27 years she attended 816 births) as well as her domestic life in Hallowell, Maine. On the basis of that diary, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich gives us an intimate and densely imagined portrait, not only of the industrious and reticent Martha Ballard but of her society. At once lively and impeccably scholarly, A Midwife's Tale is a triumph of history on a human scale.
A Confederate Nurse: the diary of Ada W. Bacot, 1860-1863 by
A young widow's account of caring for wounded Confederates.
Love, Activism, and the Respectable Life of Alice Dunbar-Nelson by
"A fascinating biography of a fascinating woman." - Booklist, starred review "This definitive look at a remarkable figure delivers the goods." - Publishers Weekly, starred review "A brilliant analysis." - Jericho Brown, Pulitzer Prize winner Featured in Ms. Magazine's "Most Anticipated Reads for the Rest of Us 2022" (books by or about historically excluded groups) Born in New Orleans in 1875 to a mother who was formerly enslaved and a father of questionable identity, Alice Dunbar-Nelson was a pioneering activist, writer, suffragist, and educator. Until now, Dunbar-Nelson has largely been viewed only in relation to her abusive ex-husband, the poet Paul Laurence Dunbar. This is the first book-length look at this major figure in Black women's history, covering her life from the post-reconstruction era through the Harlem Renaissance. Tara T. Green builds on Black feminist, sexuality, historical and cultural studies to create a literary biography that examines Dunbar-Nelson's life and legacy as a respectable activist - a woman who navigated complex challenges associated with resisting racism and sexism, and who defined her sexual identity and sexual agency within the confines of respectability politics. It's a book about the past, but it's also a book about the present that nods to the future.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
From the indie rock sensation known as Japanese Breakfast, an unforgettable memoir about family, food, grief, love, and growing up Korean American. In this exquisite story, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humor and heart, she tells of growing up one of the few Asian American kids at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother's particular, high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother's tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food. Vivacious and plainspoken, lyrical and honest, Zauner's voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is onstage. Read more…
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Crying in H Mart by
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER * From the indie rock sensation known as Japanese Breakfast, an unforgettable memoir about family, food, grief, love, and growing up Korean American--"in losing her mother and cooking to bring her back to life, Zauner became herself" (NPR). * CELEBRATING OVER ONE YEAR ON THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST In this exquisite story of family, food, grief, and endurance, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humor and heart, she tells of growing up one of the few Asian American kids at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother's particular, high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother's tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food. As she grew up, moving to the East Coast for college, finding work in the restaurant industry, and performing gigs with her fledgling band--and meeting the man who would become her husband--her Koreanness began to feel ever more distant, even as she found the life she wanted to live. It was her mother's diagnosis of terminal cancer, when Michelle was twenty-five, that forced a reckoning with her identity and brought her to reclaim the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her. Vivacious and plainspoken, lyrical and honest, Zauner's voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is onstage. Rich with intimate anecdotes that will resonate widely, and complete with family photos, Crying in H Mart is a book to cherish, share, and reread.
1. “My mother was always trying to shape me into the most perfect version of myself” (p. 18). What do Michelle’s mother’s habits and beliefs reveal about her as a mother? What value do you see in her approach to parenting, and what would you do differently?
2. How does Michelle’s relationship with her mother evolve over the course of the memoir? Compare their relationship with other parent-child relationships in the memoir and with your own experience.
3. H Marts and local supermarkets are a regular setting in the book. How do these locations shape Michelle’s experience of food and family?
4. Discuss the difficulty of communicating with family members of different generations, who speak another language and come from a different culture. How do Michelle and Nami bridge this divide?
5. Music has been a key element of Michelle’s life. How does the music that she listens to relate to the events in her life? What playlist would you put together for her family?
6. Food is a prominent motif throughout the memoir. How does the author use various food references to anchor you to specific locations, memories, and cultures? Which foods in the book were the most memorable to you and why?
7. The reader sees the local Korean community through Michelle’s eyes. How do their lives differ from Michelle’s family’s life?
8. Do you see Kye’s actions as brazen and callous, or are there aspects that are considered acceptable given her expertise? How do her actions compare to other stories or experiences of caregiving?
9. Michelle touches on various incidents of racism and alienation throughout her life, and discusses both idealizing whiteness and fearing that she is not Korean enough. What does this reveal about the complications of growing up mixed-race and with Asian heritage in America? How does it compare to Asian American representation and access to opportunities today?
10. According to Michelle, beauty is an intrinsic part of Korean culture. How has this shaped her upbringing and family dynamic? Discuss your own beauty standards and what you consider beautiful.
11. Crying in H Mart deals with caregiving for someone with a terminal illness and its aftermath. What do you think of the depiction of guilt and grief in this story?
12. How does the family’s support network show up for them during times of crisis? How would you describe the love and support of the people around them?
13. Compare Michelle’s relationship with her father and her aunt before and after her mother’s death. How have they grown closer or further apart? To what extent do blood ties matter?
14. The narrative structure of Crying in H Mart jumps between the past and the present, skipping across time with various anecdotes. How does this reflect Michelle’s reconciliation of her mother’s memory, and what do you think of her emotional journey by the end of the book?
15. Listen to “Jubilee,” the latest album by Japanese Breakfast. Which tracks stood out to you? How does the music complement the narrative in Crying in H Mart?
16. What do you think of the ending and the ways that Michelle has chosen to commemorate her mother? Do you believe in a kind of fate, that her mother is watching over her from beyond?
17. The idea of a “scarcity mentality” (p. 55) is mentioned in the book, relating to a lack of Asian and female representation in the media. Did this impact how you think about representation, cultural differences, and community building? If so, how?
S h o r t B i o g r a p h y
Musician, author, and director Michelle Zauner is best known as the frontwoman for her acclaimed indie pop band, Japanese Breakfast, and her bestselling memoir, Crying in H Mart. Named a TIME 100 Most Influential Person, Zauner speaks on loss, identity, and how food became a vital source of connection to her Korean heritage and her mother’s memory.
A b o u t M i c h e l l e
Michelle Zauner is the acclaimed author of the bestselling Crying in H Mart, an unflinching, powerful memoir about growing up Korean American, losing her mother, and forging her own identity. With humor and heart, Zauner describes her adolescence in Oregon, discovering her love of music, and her complex relationship with her mother—from struggling to meet her high expectations to bonding with her over plates of steaming food on trips to Seoul.
When Zauner was 25, her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Zauner moved home to become her mother’s caretaker, embarking on a journey that would force a reckoning with her identity and eventually a reclamation of the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her. In her vivacious talks, Zauner shares her story of family, food, grief, and self-discovery, along with anecdotes from her childhood and career as a musical artist.
Crying in H Mart instantly rocketed to the New York Times bestseller list, where it has stayed for over a year. It was named one of the year’s best books by The New York Times, TIME, NPR, Washington Post, Vogue, Entertainment Weekly, Good Morning America, and more. President Obama also included Crying in H Mart among his “Favorite Books of the Year.”
In 2022, TIME named Michelle Zauner one of its “100 Most Influential People.” For the occasion, comedian Bowen Yang wrote, “While she intertwines the threads of her art into perfect plaits, she lets us find something in our own lives, a new strand with which to adorn ourselves. It doesn’t get better than that. Everybody wants to love her.”
Zauner initially launched to fame as the frontwoman for Japanese Breakfast, a Grammy-nominated indie pop band that has toured internationally and appeared on Saturday Night Live. They have released three studio albums: Psychopomp (2016), Soft Sounds from Another Planet (2017), and Jubilee (2021). In addition to writing, singing, and performing, Zauner has also directed many of Japanese Breakfast’s music videos.
Zauner is currently adapting Crying in H Mart into a feature film through Orion Pictures. When she is not on tour, she lives in Brooklyn, NY, with her husband, Japanese Breakfast guitarist Peter Bradley.
~from Penguin Random House Speakers Bureau, Michelle Zauner
with Michelle Zauner
A conversation with Alyssa Jeong Perry on Code Switch, October 2, 2021.
Many people are familiar with the phrase "eating your feelings." But in her new book, Crying in H Mart, author and musician Michelle Zauner explores what it means to cook your feelings. In the book, she uses the lens of food and cooking to explore her Korean identity after she loses her mother to cancer. For Zauner, whose mother is Korean and father is white, recreating family recipes became one of the ways she was best able to connect to her mother after her death.
When your mom passed away in 2014, you started looking more into your Korean side. I'm wondering, growing up, how did you define your Koreanness?
I think growing up, I didn't ever attempt to define my Koreanness. It was just this intrinsic part of me. It wasn't until my mom passed away that I sort of began to question if it belonged to me at all. And I realized that if it was something that I wanted to feel like really belonged to me, I was going to have to start putting work in to preserve it.
If there's one thing we all know about Koreans, it's that we love our food and we're very proud of it, and we show a lot of love through our food. You write in the first few pages of your book that food was how your mom expressed her love. Can you explain what that looked like to you?
Every time my mom and I would travel to Korea, the first thing weeks in advance, my aunt would ask my mom was, "Where are all the places that you want to eat?" So much time was spent making sure we hit up all these different restaurants and got the different types of food that she wanted to eat. It just takes a lot of time and consideration.
And I remember that same kind of love being expressed to me when I would return home from college. My mom would make sure to stock the fridge with all my favorite side dishes, my favorite kimchi, and make sure that they sat out on the counter in advance so they were perfectly soured. She would have a running list of all the places that we'd have to go to eat the things that I loved. She remembered if I liked extra broth in my stew or if I liked extra noodles or extra vegetables.
You mentioned Maangchi, a Korean chef who became popular on YouTube, a couple of times in the book. You write that those videos were how you learned to cook Korean food right after your mom died. When you were cooking with Maangchi online, could you walk me through what her videos did for you?
I found myself smiling for the first time watching this very cute, effervescent, Korean woman explain to me how to take off the little ends of the pine nuts and put them in a dish. It was just a really nice moment. When I found myself craving other dishes, I found myself turning to this woman over and over again. She sort of demystified this Korean cooking process that had scared me. The little things would really move me very deeply and remind me of my mom, from the way that she peeled a pear in a very Korean way by peeling one strip with a giant knife pulled towards her. My mom would always peel fruit this way. Also, the way that she pronounces zucchini really reminded me of my mom. It was just a really pleasant thing to anchor me during this really difficult time.
Do you ever find yourself becoming overwhelmed with emotions or crying while cooking Korean food, since it reminds you of your mom?
I think the thing that made me so sad after my mom passed away was that I could not remember her before she was sick. I moved out of the house when I was 18; I went to college at Bryn Mawr, three thousand miles away from Oregon. So the last concentrated period of time I spent with my family were the six months that I lived in Eugene, Ore., being a caretaker for her.
It made me so sad, because I was having all these dreams of my mother. I would always see her bald and skinny with a chemo port in her chest. I would just have a lot of trauma from caretaking for her. I think that was a big reason why I turned to cooking — and why Maangchi brought me so much joy. I was able to remember these memories of my mom before that happened, and things that we actually really enjoyed together. It made it a lot easier for me to to think about my mother without it being this horrifying, traumatic thing.
Both your music and your book explore a lot of what it's like to be biracial. What was it like for you growing up with a Korean mother and a white father?
When I'm in America, everyone thinks of me as the Asian girl. When I go to Korea, everyone thinks of me as an American. There's this expectation all the time that I just have never really fit in anywhere. Growing up, there were stereotypes being put onto me as an Asian person that I had no control over, and that made me extremely uncomfortable. But when I told my mom this, she was like, "But you're not Asian."
I was like, "Mom, you don't understand it is to be like one of the only Asian kids at my school. I'm like the only Korean girl at my school and it's uncomfortable." She just said to me, "You're not Korean, you're American."
It's hard to explain to your parents this feeling of being other and of being singled out. In a way, I had to make space for myself because no one's going to question, "Where are you from?" when you're in a rock band on a stage. People have paid to come see you. It's like, This is where I'm from, b****!
In 'Crying In H Mart' Michelle Zauner Grapples With Food, Grief And Identity
April 22, 2021
Heard on All Things Considered
~From website article by Monica Burton
Easy Bulgogi
A dish made by the author's mother.
Serves 2 to 4
Watch the video for cooking instruction:
Easy Kimchi
A dish the author made into a form of therapy after her mother's death.
Watch the video for cooking instruction:
Soegogi Miyeokguk
A birthday soup made with seaweed.
Serves 2 to 3
Watch the video for cooking instruction:
Kimshi Jjigae
A dish the author learned to make on her own because it was one of her mother's favorites.
(serves 2 with side dishes, serves 4 without)
Watch the video for cooking instruction:
Soy-Sauce Eggs
A dish that the author remembers from H Mart, the supermarket where she vividly remembers her mother shopping and cooking.
Ingredients
(Serves 7)
Watch the video for cooking instruction:
Cold Radish Soup
A dish that the author remembers from h Mart.
Ingredients
Watch the video for cooking instruction:
Japanese Breakfast is an American indie pop band from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania formed in 2013. The project is fronted by vocalist, guitarist and primary songwriter Michelle Zauner, alongside Peter Bradley (guitar), Deven Craige (bass) and Craig Hendrix (drums, keyboards, backing vocals).
Zauner started the band as a side project in 2013, when she was leading the Philadelphia-based emo group Little Big League. She has said that she named the band after seeing a GIF of Japanese breakfast and because she thought the term would be "exotic" to Americans and thought it would make others wonder what a Japanese breakfast consists of.
In 2014, she returned to her hometown of Eugene, Oregon, to care for her ailing mother. She continued to record music and songs, first to cope with stress, then, after her mother died, with grief. The songs eventually became Japanese Breakfast's debut studio album: Psychopomp (2016), released by Yellow K Records. Its critical and commercial success led Japanese Breakfast to sign with the record label Dead Oceans, which released the band's second and third studio albums: Soft Sounds from Another Planet (2017) and Jubilee (2021). Jubilee was nominated for Best Alternative Music Album and Japanese Breakfast for Best New Artist at the 64th Annual Grammy Awards and became the band's first album to chart on the Billboard 200, where it peaked at 56.
~Read more about the band's history & discography.
Japanese Breakfast - Savage Good Boy (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Posing in Bondage (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Be Sweet (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Boyish (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Body is a Blade (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Road Head (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Machinist (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Everybody Wants to Love You (Official Video)
Japanese Breakfast - Jane Cum (Official Video)
Who can participate?
Bea's Book! is self-guided. You can participate individually, pair up with a friend, or form a group. It is open to Southwestern Illinois College students, faculty and staff as well as the community. Everyone is invited!
How many books do I read?
You can read as many as you like. One to three award-winning books are selected each semester. Descriptions of each book are found on this page.
How do I participate?
Review the book descriptions and determine which book(s) you'd like to read! You can request a free copy through the library's loan system (see the 'How to Get Book' TAB on this page). Book Club TABS contain discussion questions, author information and much more to enhance your experience! Participate individually, with a friend, or better yet - gather a group and discuss your thoughts together!
I want more information ..
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